Why Does She Stay?

Why Does She Stay?

For many individuals, this is the hardest concept to grasp in regards to victims of domestic violence.  Some people will say, “If it was me who was beaten, I’d be gone in a heartbeat!” Others will say, “I’d never allow him to talk to me that way.” Yet still others stay silent, knowing what is taking place within the walls of that relationship, yet doing and saying nothing about it. 

For a victim of domestic violence, these among so many other factors, are the very situations that keep a victim trapped in an abusive relationship.

Below are just some of the reasons as to why victims of domestic violence stay within an abusive relationship. This is not an all inclusive list.

  • Does she want to leave?
  • He has threatened to take the children if she leaves
  • She has left before and he found her
  • The last incident almost killed her
  • She has no money of her own
  • The shelters are full
  • Fear of the unknown
  • She loves him, but wants the abuse to stop. The person she fell in love with , was not showing his ‘true colors’ yet drawing her in with other abusive tactics
  • She blames herself, feels it is her fault because that’s what the abuser has been telling her
  • She has no work experience because he hasn’t allowed her to work
  • She may feel she can change him, make it “better.”
  • Fear : of the abuser, retaliation, what he will do to the children
  • She has no peer or family support system
  • She may be minimizing the abuse because of what her abuser has been telling her
  • The abuse is not as bad as it was with her last boyfriend or father or…
  • People in her community blame her
  • Preservation of family
  • He needs her
  • He has promised he will change
  • He has threatened to call the police on her or report her to CPS

 Even though this can be a hard concept to grasp, a bigger question is often avoided…

“Why doesn’t he just stop.”